I am not a doctor. You should not listen to me about anything. I am just a schmuck who has had to live with myself as my life has progressed through time and now feel the need to tell everyone about it. I may rail against Western Medicine and all of the drugs, quick fixes, and treatments that they have to offer but I would not stop treatment just because I said so.
But now that the disclaimer has been placed, that is exactly what I did.
I spent several years trying to make myself normal through he wonders of Western Medicine. They have commercials on TV for all of the drugs that will make you not feel blue. They tell you that they can fix your ADHD, they can cure your ADD. They can make you a better person. They know exactly what it is that you need and it is this pill, this pill, this pill, and this pill.
When those pills stop working then you need to change over to this pill.
When that one stops working you need a stronger pill.
Oh, that one made you psychotic, here try this pill.
That one made you suicidal? Ok, we have a pill for that.
Am I the only one who sees a pattern here?
The insistence that you can make someone better through medication is a horrible statement on the nature of psychiatric medicine. I once had someone confide in me that they don’t really know how these medications are going to work in any individuals brain, it is a crap shoot and a guessing game.
I am not going to be your guinea pig.
The last episode I had with the wonders of modern psychology was six, going on seven years ago. I was having issues with concentration so they tried this medication, that made me not sleep so they added this mediation, that made me depressed so they added another medication, that made me cycle very fast and hard so I went to another doctor who put me on another medication. That made me damn near lose my mind, although as I mentioned before I was very productive.
I was happy as all hell! I quit my job, moved to another state, wrote a magazine, lost my house, spent all of my savings….
But at least I wasn’t depressed about my entire life going to hell in a hand basket.
Then I quit all of it.
I spent a few months chilling out in Oregon and writing, reading, and talking to people. I taught a model how to do the robot on the dance floor one night.
Eventually I came back to Earth.
Now I am back on Earth and the world is feeling OK. It is not perfect and it never will be.
But I am never going back to the wonders of Western Medicine again.
I cannot tell anyone what they should do with their lives, but taking control for myself has been a wonderful thing. I now know when my cycles are coming on. I am quite aware that I am in one right now, but I am also quite aware of where I am in it.
Tomorrow may suck, but at least I know that the day after tomorrow will be alright.
If I am wrong, I know who I can talk about it with.
Take a deep breath.
Take a nap.
Write a spreadsheet.
Write a blog.
Read a book.
But I will never again take a pill for that problem.
If you look at the state of America today we have systemic problems with addiction, much of which is the result of the willingness for people to just take a pill to solve all of their problems. I blame a lot of this on whoever had the horrific idea that allowing pharmaceutical companies to advertise on TV was a good idea. It is bankrupting or country financially and it is not doing anything to make us a healthier place to live.
We now have health problems that we did not even know existed until we saw a commercial about it. There was a period where a large portion of the United States was taking Prozac. Were we really all that depressed? Did we all need it? Or did we see a commercial that said you shouldn’t feel blue, you should take a Prozac and all will be better tomorrow. Talk to your doctor. We gave him a grant to pay for med school.
I was once told I was too bitter. I responded that I wasn’t bitter, I was a realist.
The real world sucks. It is the nature of the real world that it will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
Nero is not going to offer you a red pill and a blue pill choice to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow like nothing ever happened or to see how far the rabbit hole leads.
Personally I am curious why no one ever took both.
I will just live aware that life is a farce, and neither the red pill, the blue pill, the pink pill, or the white pill is going to make it any less of a farce.
So instead I am going to sit here and deal with it.
As I am.
With the knowledge in hand that as long as I pay attention to where I am today, I will have an idea as to what to expect tomorrow.
And the hope that in the end I was right.