Zen and the Art of Squirrel – Children

I don’t mind children.  They are loud, often obnoxious.
They make too much noise.  They produce smelly gunk.  They are often sticky.  You have no idea what the hell they are doing around your stuff.
They also, under certain circumstances will sit with rapt attention and listen.
Those times are really amazing.
On the whole I will tell you that the experience is not for me.  They are just too alien.  I am pretty sure that I never held my nephews when they were little.  It is not my thing.
I have done a good job of avoiding having any offspring of my own.  I have even gone to the extremes of getting a divorce to make sure that my record of not producing offspring stayed as it is.
I would never want to burden a child with all of the weights that I have been burdened.  Knowing what I know about myself, and the percentage of it that would likely be passed along to another generation to do so would be sadistic and self-serving.
No thanks, I am not that kind of guy.
Therefore, I am not going to have kids.
With my current relationship status maintaining this record is going to be pretty easy, but things have been known to change.  Every once in a while I find someone who finds me curious enough for a while.
I have a lot to teach, I suppose.  When I am in the right side of my cycles I have a lot of energy.  It takes a lot out of me though, and I will quietly suffer later for it.
This is the same reason that I do not want to teach. When I am in the right aspect of the cycles I have all of the creativity and energy anyone could want.  When I hit the other side I am a sore, mangled, pile of brain fuzz.
I will have short and entertaining moments with other people’s kids.  I will be somewhere and some bed-ragged sister or cousin will tell someone to “go bother Uncle Jeff.”
I can do it for a while.  I can talk at some level that makes sense to them.  But I would rather not.  As time has gone by I usually go away when there are objects under the age of eighteen in the house.
Too much frenetic movement and noise.  I like the senior citizens, they don’t move very fast and they don’t talk as much.
If I am outside I cannot hide as easy.  I have enough imagination that I can keep a group of children pretty well entertained for a spell.  I suppose if there was only one of them I could start teaching them things without them knowing that they are actually learning things.  That is usually the nest way to teach things to kids.  You can teach them anything, as long as they don’t know they are being taught.
I don’t have a lot to say about kids.  They do often bother me a little bit.  A lot of it is that I have a hell of a time moderating my speech and patterns of communication, and when there are little ones around the absorb everything.  Makes it far more difficult to avoid dropping bombs.
I think I have done a good job of avoiding actually holding a baby in my life.  If I have ever done it the experience escapes me, it was likely more transitory than anything else.  Basically a ‘here, hold this’ experience.
I am fine with it staying that way.
It is for the best.

Copyright Jeff Harrison – 2015 all rights reserved 

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