Someone explained to me, once, that being single is much like breaks and pauses in Jazz music. The empty spaces in music are as important as the notes and beats, themselves. Music is the language of the heart and soul, and those empty spaces have subconscious meanings where the mind craves resolution for the melody and harmony, chaos and tremor.
I’ve been entirely without a traditional ‘relationship’ for a number of years, however this hasn’t meant I’ve gone without sex. Generally, I’ve had one or two ongoing sexual partners in addition to having a multitude of friends in various degrees of ‘closeness’. The pair of having sexual partners and emotional partners has long been rattling in my brain if this is the ultimate solution to the end of my life. I don’t need to ask permission or opinions, but I like get them, as much as the satisfaction of both pleasuring another and being pleasured. I don’t feel obligated to have sex because of an occasion or event, and I’m not harassed for what I do in my leisure time.
Being single yet sexually active also has it’s drawbacks. I certainly budget in condoms and STD tests. Finding an ongoing sexual partner who doesn’t have some other unhealthy behaviors is also difficult, as it’s difficult to maintain the proper emotional (and sometimes financial) separation.
This is far different from the “Good Old Days” of traditional “Abstinence until marriage”, sometimes under the premise of “Arranged Marriages” where you were supposed to guess what your partners kneecaps looked like, much less any other physical features, not like it mattered…
I’m trying to take the advice of Ms. Aliff in that it’s the most attractive to work on myself, which there is certainly more than enough to work on.