Gone Fishing

Note: This probably isn’t the most appropriate place to post this but I want to blog about it and still have posting permissions….

I am so tired of hearing people say “There are other fish in the sea,” “I’m sure you’ll find someone,” “You can definitely find someone who [insert quality or behavior here].” A break up is a severing of an intense connection with another person. When I express my sadness about a break up I am not expressing my desire to find a replacement human. Are human beings so replaceable, are connections so meaningless that my first concern should be about how to replace them?

Of course I know there are other human beings in the world. I also understand that this particular level of connection with this person is over and done. Don’t I get to mourn that? I don’t want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I don’t consider that any sort of end in itself. Sometimes there are people in my life I want a deeper relationship with because there are things about them that make me happy and maybe I make them happy too. Things like that fail for lots of reasons. Sometimes by the time it falls apart neither person is happy anymore but even severing those kinds of relationships is hard because you get used to things.

This might seem hypocritical coming from someone who has jumped from relationship to relationship. The thing is that I never go looking for relationships. I just end up developing feelings for people easily and then end up in relationships. This time though I am going to try actively avoiding relationships. Just try to figure out me by myself. My least favorite thing about the phrase “There are other fish in the sea,” aside from the implication that human beings and relationships are interchangeable, is the implication that I am not okay with just being single. That I can’t take time for me.

I know that people who say those things mean well and a lot of them are people I like and respect a lot. I have just heard them way too much in the last two weeks and wanted to express why I think those sentiments are problematic.


  1. We should certainly stop saying “There's someone for everyone”.There are people out there who we've all deemed “Lightspeed-Ugly”, without any socially redeeming values who go throughout their entire lives and never get kissed on their lips. It's mean to tell them that they'll find someone because it's simply not true.If you feel badly about them, find them and fuck them.


  2. I think there are just some things people feel obligated to say even if they make no sense. Things like “There are other fish in the sea”, “You'll find someone”, and “There's someone for everyone”. I don't know if people really think about what they are saying or why they are just told these things and parrot them back when someone seems sad. But yes, life is no fairy tale. Some people are going to end up alone.


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